NOTE
Scrap thoughts from conversation
I liked how it depicted his job not as something by chance, or that he was forced into (drop class, drop drop, and you’re a janitor) but something deliberate that he takes pride in. All of the actions that seemed to just be surface level (ritual), actually had grown a deeper meaning and reverence (his tree friend and the camera).
What is a small thing? Why does society and (his sister) default to viewing this as small? He’s living his life deliberately, and /attempting/ to be present. As humans we seem to have this urge to connect, or imbue with stories even the non-human (his tree friend). That whole loneliness vs solitude philosophical dichotomy has been covered.
In the bathroom, we see him with a piece of paper. There is never any other human he plays with, but we, as connecting humans, build a mental model where we feel a presence and a character. Someone is there. The final “O” became a piece of sunshine with a smile in it, this is all because he consciously engaged it in.
There also was no winner in a game sense, if I recall correctly. He was putting that sense of meaning into the event. “Thank you” (for connecting with me and sharing this, for seeing me when you could have just taken this trash and disposed of it - and thus discarded this sequence of moments and emotions with it).
It’s also funny how when you see someone kind of accepting solitude, or - by default we kind of say “oh, shit happened to them in the past that they’re hiding from”. (Not saying there’s not an edge of truth to that - even with Hirayama.) But I also encounter people who whine all day over small inconveniences because they experienced nothing or minor hardships vs. “not sweating the small stuff” because they can properly gauge trauma they’ve had).
On the ending, just another tangent of a thought I had in the past that has interested me that might be related - the moment when a natural smile fades. When you’re out with people, and someone makes a genuine moment or joke and smiles - there’s a liminal moment where that recedes again into the face. The smile can’t be sustained naturally and would require conscious effort. But if you catch a genuine smile, you can wait for that moment and look at it in another’s face.
I think in this sense the outward smile is a communication channel. That’s the purpose in way (like putting a sunny smile on an blank ‘O’ on tic tac toe), Connection (which can unfurl into plenty of other tangents like smiles that come too easy, fake smiles etc. as the sincerity of the channel becomes altered). The “sense” of the smile, kind of the roots or impulse can be carried after.
To the extremes, if feels like a delusion and ruse, to onlookers - even feel this in the ending scene. (also reminded that jokey saying - pissing yourself and a smile, everyone can see it but only you feel the warmth) But let’s say you are actually having a genuine laugh, and you think about this point (like the sunset) receding. Something is changed when you are made aware of it (You are looking at yourself smiling).
Once again, being conscious of that kind happiness changes it and being aware of this requires conscious effort (like imagine being in a group and deliberately holding your smile and the consequences). Maybe there’s some of this to the turbulence we see in Hirayama’s smile. He’s alone, but in communion with the tape’s music. (He also consciously selected the tape.)
I think the Japanese lens I was talking about is stamped all over this. “Mono no aware” goes into explaining the ending a bit, at least to what I thought and I’m pretty sure the scriptwriter or some component here was Japanese written.
That woman he keeps on encountering during her lunch break, thought it was funny. Like someone you smile at, is a bit weird but you still spend time with. I think it requires intelligence, sensitivity and thoughtfulness.
Personally I find it a little scary when I am out and feeling deeply immersed in a scene, or in awe of nature etc., and there’s some kind of distraction or lack of understanding with the people around me, or who I am with. It manifests as a kind of isolation. I want to sit and feel the scene (almost like it is flowing into me, like a conversation).
I think, this requires a bit of quietness and contemplation and maybe that is why it can be lost. Like a way of seeing things. (there are plenty of things that are lost on me, and peering too deeply can be problematic to function as well.) But, it is funny to think of this as a group setting as being invalidating for a certain type of connection (though, this isn’t always true - such as a concert setting which thrives on a group - should they all be off their phones etc.)
Every day has a veil of perfectness to it, and being present. I had this massive tooth ache years ago from dental surgery, and I was at 10/10 pain, where it felt like a lattice of pain had wrapped around my brain. In the afternoon I went and got emergency dental surgery and when I got home I was lying in the grass outside.
Normally in my day, I’m packing in moments, extremely pressed even with recreational tasks. Here, I was just sitting and feeling the memory of pain in my mouth recede, and watching the sun descend. Really observing all of the birds, who are basically community and familiar if I wanted them to be, and the receding shadows in the trees.
I had some family over. I’ve thought of this day of really immense pain and relief, and thought about how I was really present there. This might not be to the film’s point, but I’ve also thought how despite all of the unbearable pain I felt that day it was a really important day and I’d go back there (in the sense I had connections for support, and relief). My roundabout point is just going back to what makes a perfect day (in general).
With that tangent on some kind of knowledge being brought to the scene to enrich, I definitely don’t want to say that I know how to do it. I’m definitely in my head or distracted a lot of the time. It’s a rough idea but more so I was thinking it in terms of a group setting (like how a scenic spot is unchanged aesthetically but can become swamped or over documented). Like researching a rare waterfall, finding it and trekking to it yourself vs the same scenario with 5 others, or 50 others watching the same thing.
With bringing “intelligence” to understand the value in things, it’s also complex. Like that documentary “Who the $&% Is Jackson Pollock?” - I was thinking of this. Finding a famous painting, and not understanding what you have and how we derive a sense of value. It’s just relatable in some sense where I have not understood something fully, and when I dove a bit deeper or came back to it I had a richer understanding of what was going on. (Not always there, and also not always not worth the quest admittedly).
When reading some of these Japanese aesthetic philosophy texts they seem to point at really learning to see and being open to that form of understanding around you, as important and that’s what I was getting at. I was recently at a tour and so many people around me were phased out and wrapped into their phones (not to make it that trite anti-tech stance), and it just tailored my text.