With Pearl and repression, recently I was just thinking to myself how distant every walking individual is from tears. Walking down the street, you get the sense that some people if you actually engaged with them (or if by some magical nature you morphed into what they wanted), they’d break into tears. They are waiting for something.
I know I’ve walked around in society and creeping beyond my “carrying on”, I’m saying “I just want to be alone. In the woods.” Let me break from society, stop right there in the shade and stop. But then everyone would be looking at me that passed by.
But I want it. Sometimes I want to just stop.
Similarly thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to share this walk?” I’ve walked this walk so many times. Same thing. All alone.”
“Let me carry on.”
It’s almost like wanting something, and then not having it and it being feeling it unreachable, produces a kind of psychosis where you say “burn it all down,” I actually want none of it. None of the socialization. None of society. I want to be alone. It’s easier.
To the point of Pearl, she’s locked in her strata. She’s trying really hard to be loved and succeed. She’s comparing herself to others.